IM BACK!!

WOAH! HEY IM BACK BITCHES! 

It's been two years since i have had this blog sitting around doing nothing, When I first started this blog two years ago when my daughter was 3 months old it was all i wanted to do, Not because every tom dick and harry was doing it but because i actually enjoyed writing and it was for me.

I was doing something for myself. The main focus back then was about motherhood because lets be honest my whole life changed when i had Novannah & she is the only thing i ever can talk about for hours on end. 

This blog was made for me letting everything out. At the time the blog was made Novannah was 3 months old, I was a 20 year old single mum just keeping my head above water and taking each day as it comes. Everyone tells you when your pregnant everything changes once bub comes and i never wanted to believe it , Every time someone told me that I just brushed it off, '' yeah whatever how much can it change hey'' ?  Well .. it changes my god does it change everything changes people change. And that is the hardest pill to swallow. PEOPLE CHANGE. 

Although i never ever wanted to believe my relationship with my best friends would ever change the sad reality is that not everyone can follow your journey your about to embark on. 

Some things need to fall apart before they fall back together again.

About a month in of having this blog i made a post about life after having a child 

'' eye opener ''  the most raw and real thing i have ever written, I didn't write the blog out of spite or to bash anyone i was just writing from my heart while at home crying in bed wondering where did i go so wrong that I am now left with novannah and felt like no one wanted me around? Will I ever be good enough for anyone?

First my partner now my best friends 

 Never in my life did i feel so alone. 

 It was then I was at the lowest I have ever been in my life. No one had my back and no one was around when i needed them. Although I had a big supportive family i am ever so grateful for I was alone. I got rid of the blog and never opened it back up i just threw it all away i never felt it was or ever going to be good enough.

The months after everything happened i become someone i didn't even know i was not happy i become so broken i didn't even know myself,  I was once a happy outgoing confident as fuck loud mouth that got turnt into the saddest most shy and unconfident person you will ever meet.  

I have always been dependant on people i need people in my life. i need to have someone there but after having the three most important people up and leave after all promising '' ill always be there '' It has taught me so many things and most importantly independence i only need to have my back. People come and go. 

You win some you lose some not everyone is going to stick around like you thought they would.

It's been two years now and HOLLY SHIT what a journey it has been. one crazy roller coaster it has been, the highs and the very lows has made and shaped me into the person I am today. 

Only recently i have started to find myself again, I am becoming a better version of myself every single day and i can proudly say that this is the happiest i have ever been in my whole life.

For a while now i have wanted to get this blog up and running again but i was always scared to after all that went on. Until the other day i received a message how i inspire all the young mums out there for me doing it all on my own and it got me thinking about the blog. You never know who your going to inspire and you never know who's going to read the message I'm going to put across and it be able to help them. 

So i am back and i am back at the best i have ever been so join me on this journey. 

i hope you enjoyed reading as much as i loved writing this. xxx